Here We Go

Wherever you are in the Northern Hemisphere you are likely in Back-to-School mayhem.  The school emails, sports sign-ups, meet-the-teacher, supplies, list, what do we pack for lunch again?  All of it happening, all at once.  Maybe you’ve already started preparing your little (or not so little people) by encouraging earlier bedtimes, or discussing what the first week of class will be like.  Depending on the age of your children the transition from summer to school-day may feel different, but the demands are the same, consistent early mornings, scheduled days, and for most kids too much sitting.  If any of this makes you feel anxious or stressed, here are a few easy tips to lighten your load and lean into the possibility of joy in new routines and new rhythms.

Share The Wealth (of information and to-dos)

First of all, start the school year off right by distributing the weight of responsibility. In 2020 Oxfam and the Institute for Women’s Policy Research released a study that analyzed data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics’ showing that women spend on average 2 more hours/day on housework and child or elder care than men.

That data is heteronormativity and the link to the original research is no longer available, but I still think it validates an experience that many women have in the home.  Begin this school year with clear conversations about division of labor, who is meal planning, grocery trips, making lunches, who keeps track of school events etc. There are resources available to help have these talks and sort through the visible and invisible labor, FairPlay is a good place to start. Prepare for the first few weeks together, get clear on what the new expectations of the school year are and brainstorm some ‘easy button’ options for the family on full days. If you and your partner struggle with these conversations, consider Parent Coaching.

For so many of the women I work with, even if they can have the conversation regarding home chores and roles, they struggle to let go of the responsibility. Relationships are dynamic, however, we do get into patterns of behavior, and when we’ve always been the one to do it all, it is often a true challenge to step back and let others be in the lead position.

Get Outside

Then it is really about you, Mama.  How are you handling these big transitions?  So much can come up for us at the start of the school year.  We’ve just had a lot more time and access to our kids than usual, and we may be craving the return or we may be longing for a few more weeks where days feel more spacious and the potential for spontaneous fun easier to grasp & run toward.  The turn of seasons can bring a sense of nostalgia, and Autumn has its own energy, from the heat and passion of Summer, the adolescence of life, we move to the ripening and reflective time of Fall, we mature in our thoughts and harvest the fruits of labors (metaphorically or literally in the garden). Let nature be your guide, let yourself sit outside for a few moments each day to notice how your landscape is changing.  Orienting ourselves with our surroundings is always a good idea, it is a biologically sound nervous system intervention.  Noticing what is happening around you is movement toward health and well-being and the change of seasons gives us so much to attend to.  During the first week of school, gift yourself a walk in nature (or your backyard!), if you aren’t close to a stream or trail, then walk to a park with plenty of trees.  Schedule this ‘back-to-school’ walk for yourself in your calendar.  Allow time to reflect on all of the changes. It does not have to be long, and if you can do it after a meal, even better for your health. 

Back-to-Basics

And, finally, when you find yourself in that pickup line, or when your young person is en route home, put your phone away (or on silent), notice your breath, is it short or shallow?  Can you extend your exhale, just a little bit? Are your hands clenched? Can you soften?  Can you feel your feet on the ground?  Prepare yourself for their arrival by checking in, your children are better met by a Mother who has taken care of her own basic needs, make sure you’ve eaten and then greet them from this clear, neutral space, without expectation or judgement of how they show up, just with the willingness to be present with them as they are.  And, of course, have a snack and glass of water at the ready!

The original phrase is “mother lode”—a geological term referring to the principal vein of silver or gold in a mine.

These suggestions may seem simple, in some ways they are, and none of them are easy. This post is part of a simple, not easy, series, look for these when you need inspiration to do the hard work of being alive. We all go through seasons where we need more support to do what is best for us, if you notice that is the season you are in click here to connect with me.